Looking back at photos.

We used to talk for hours on the phone, laugh and play and think hell fuck the world.

We’ll do what we want, we’ll be what we want.

Now, we’re not even friends any more.

Probably because the general people fail to realise their very own problems within themselves.

Being intensely introspective may say much about your strong opinionated character and get you significant loathing.

I’ve lost, my best friend since high school.

Yet, I’m not blaming her.

I blame myself for not being truthful since sometime ago.

Agenbite. Oh Agenbite.

We used to tell each other everything, the people we love to our humongous family issues.

Occasionally, we suggest what we think the other party should go about tackling a sticky situation as well.

I’ve heard, ‘again since a long time ago’, how people have been enduring her nasty behaviour.

I’m not nice, but I try.

I try to stay jaded.

I try to protect my friends.

I try not to judge.

I try accepting.

Everyone was pretty amazed with what I’m doing, giving my all in a friendship no one had bothered trying.

I guess I’ve changed.

Like how cats grow.

Like the random weather.

Like fleeting emotions.

Like life.

I couldn’t take it no more.

Not with that much selfish competitiveness that translated well to petty sarcasm with a hint of punchy jealousy.

The lover realised.

Friends realised.

I realised.

Keeping mum and not ‘judging’ is not true acceptance.

We know what the general public wants.

We know relations.

Yet so, if we know a certain friend have got behaviour issues, will acting all cool about it really help at all?

Or rather, letting him/her know what you really think might actually make her consider and fortunately….adapt to the world?

Conformance. We’re not obliged to conform.

It’s a different thing altogether with adaptation.

It’s natural survival instincts in order for us to ever begin our true goal in life.

An idea strikes after negotiating a series of hurdles. After which, a distortion is futile.
Chancing upon the light I thought I’d seen, or have I not?

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Good way off the unthinkable, out stretches a thin line of infinite beyond.
The beyond is in and yet out.
The beyond is giving and receiving; good and bad, ugly and beauty.
It is also the impartial hate and love.
Concise yet vague, intelligent and dumb.

We listen, we speak.
We speak, you listen.
and back again.

We learn.

I try to be as sensitive as I can.

In the event where I get over the board, I’ll apologise.

How many times have we done something wrong and apologise for what we’ve done?

We all have limits and I can’t possibly gauge every single person’s.

I’m not God.

Which is why words were created in the first place.

To speak.

To communicate.

And maybe to even do something kinky.

I want to be as honest as I can, I speak what I think.

I don’t want people to feel stressful when hanging with me.

Much so, to be troubled by it. (you have no idea how I feel to have troubled someone)

With that matter, however, have I not always been there?

A call away, I’ll dash as swiftly as I can to your place.

A call away, I’ll be listening to your troubles all night.

A call away, I’ll be hanging out with you in an hour.

Some people think I’m cynical and judgemental?

When have I ever?

I may seem to be doing so but honestly, that’s just you not understanding my intentions as much as I think you have.

We all live in a world of standards, regulations and rules.

Not that I’ve been there, but I’ve been around.

I hang out with the cooler people, to the losers, to the posers, to foreigners, to young and to old.

I don’t choose or judge my friends.

Hence I know what the general public think about some things we do that are not generally accepted.

When you advise someone, they probably wouldn’t listen.

I would go for the harder way, to make you understand that.

Somewhat, I like the drama.

I make a big deal out of things.

So if you’re judging me now for what I’ve said, done, feel; what difference do you and me have at all then?

It was never easy to do anything so that by itself shouldn’t be a raison for not trying at all.

________________________________________________________

I was fostered by my Granny and Aunt.

The only recollection I have of my Dad is that he used to teach me stuff like Billiard and some random Language and he would occasionally asked me to tag along for a jog.

He’s quite a sportsmen; having topping some dozen Champion leagues on Bowling, Billiard, Swimming and Track & Field. I however, am quite the artistic opposite…and I’m not saying it just to sound cool.

I can play multiple instruments on various degrees and I speak 4 legit languages and 2 dialects. I’d worked really hard at it. #theregoesmychildhood

__________________________________________________________

I live for myself, my Granny, Aunt and my closest friends.

I have to ace whatever I can now so that I can provide for my Granny and Aunt later on. I’ll have to struggle like mad because I’m afraid that it will be too late.

I’m someone who can’t really proclaim my love to anyone, its just too awkward for me.

Hence, I usually act really aloof but in all honesty, I care….and way too much.

Le temps is too inestimable and so very precious.

If you have been reading my previous posts, you would have realised that I’m actually juggling way too many things a normal teenager would volunteer to do so.

I’m not doing it to show off.

I’m not doing it because it’s trés cool.

I love what I’m doing and I know it will be useful to what I’m going to do in the future so that I’ll be noteworthy and then bring decent doe back to Granny and Aunt.

I have some really dark secrets and they can never know it. It will tear them apart and it will then tear me apart.

My brainwork is pretty voluminous.

Therein, I’ll head for a jog.

______________________________________________________

When I love, I love ample and lavish.

Bailing out never crosses my mind.

I’ll let go, if only that’s what you really want.

______________________________________________________

I’m still sorry

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It’s so much easier to judge.

In all conscience, putting up a smiley front does not equate to exuberance.

When you start talking about how much you think you’ve grown, it is when you’re still really young and immature yet trying to sound old and intellectual; #agedoesntnotmatter

Having fun doesn’t mean you’re immature.

Partying  doesn’t mean you’re immature.

Being yourself  doesn’t mean you’re immature.

You are seriously trying too hard; and I’ll say it again.

If one person thinks so, that’s fine.

If a few people have the same sentiments, you should probably examine yourself.

_________________________________________________________

It’s easier being ___. It’s easier being ___.

What the hell would you know? Are you me?

I really hope not because that is just screwed up in so many levels.

It has been 3 years now.

My ex and I had done and been to many places so basically everywhere I go just keeps on haunting me back like a bitch. /insertsadako

I had a few rebounds after but I honestly regretted it too much…like the self-reproach kind.

I felt guilty…and I have been single ever since; around a year and 9 months.

Now, you appear before me with that nostalgic smile.

That smile which has been taunting me, tempting me, alluring me and incite me ever since.

You’re too sweet and I sometimes I wonder if it’s just you being nice to everyone.

I really am not pinning any hopes in this at all…I have someone waiting and I don’t want the person to wait anymore.

I can’t possibly force myself to be with a person I don’t even love and when I have someone else occupying my entire mind. I’m sorry C.

Anyways, it’s probably the fever acting up and speaking on its own. I wonder when will I see you again.

Good night.

Been so annoyingly busy till I can’t sleep.

Anyways, I recently got distinctions for my

-Guitar (Trinity Hall)

-Violin (ABRSM)

-French (Elementary 2)

I think I’m awesome.

I’ve been working too hard and I know it.

I go to the gym twice every week.

I have higher Japanese, French, Violin, Guitar and Music theory lessons every week

on top of work on weekdays 8-530.

After which, I still have occasionally duties in camp.

Ask me if I’m hanging on.

I’m still able to manage even with parties once every two weeks and I try to meet my friends up on a regular basis.

It’s all about time management.

I work really hard; guess that must be my Japanese blood acting on its own.

The major part of it is probably relations.

Your relations with people will imply the prominence of your mark.

The mark that will deem your existence in the real world is not to be taken lightly of.

You can be someone sitting in the prestigious 74th floor but you could be forgotten in less than an hour after your death; negligence.

The mark is the abominable prove of the once-lived.

______________________________________________________

We can be prudes, trying to spread ‘the good’, ‘the righteous’ and ‘the legit’.

We spend our whole lives working like a subordinate of the magnificent queen bee, collecting pollen for her sorry ass. We impose and we pray.

Our circle of  so-called ‘mates’ will forget us in less than a day when we gruesomely die. /insert mostmorbidvisualimage.

We do good by donating money, helping people out and we smile way too much.

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OR

We could work really hard on relations. Family, friends and the people around us.

Seriously, if we can’t even work things out between our family and closed ones, why bother about the people furthest from you?

We’re only human and we can only do ‘that’ much.

Yes, we should give our best in everything we do but frankly speaking, people always neglect and confuse their utmost priority.

When we die, we want to be remembered. We want to be thought of.

Not after a nights sleep, but for long. As long as it could be.

It’s the only prove for us to know that we’ve lived a fulfilled life.

Remembrance is indeed the lasting perfume.

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We need our needs and wants to live…together with our loved ones.

We need money to buy our needs and wants.

We need to work to obtain money.

So if you’ve already neglected your loved ones, what’s the point of working?

We save money to obtain our greater purpose and for emergencies.

However, if you’re dead, wouldn’t everything be insignificant?

We need to learn to share.

We need to learn our priorities.

We need to be remembered.

We need to stay healthy and live.

We need to spend as much as we save.

It must be last night.

________________________________________

Apparently, I was tied up or something and ____ happened and …did I mentioned the ongoing video capturing?

Well, it was leaked into the internet and I woke up on my bed knowing nothing.

I grabbed my phone and I saw 10 motivational-messages from friends…including you.

All of the messages sound like : You don’t have to care about what others think! or… Be strong! We’ll be with you! …I was like…whut???!

The cowards who did this to me were actually 2 of my camp mates.

2 extremely cynical ones who were so bent on destroying someone else’s life. They just have to know everything and everything is just their business to boast. 

Why so much hate?

Why is indifference so bothered? was what I was wondering in the back of my head

________________________________________

I don’t know if some people could manage to find the link to my blog and stalk it.

But I don’t care.

If bitching around, tormenting others are your forte, go on. Live your life in this amazing way.

I truly believe that I’ll stay nice in my own way; EVEN without a religion.

And I know I’m getting too serious about..just a dream.

Filed under: General, Mates Tagged: c, D, hate, K, people, why ]]> http://stringsgettingcrunklikeoncrack.wordpress.com/2011/06/02/hubris-never-dies/feed/ 0 land-of-milk-and-hubris holarin http://stringsgettingcrunklikeoncrack.wordpress.com/2011/05/29/clove/ http://stringsgettingcrunklikeoncrack.wordpress.com/2011/05/29/clove/#comments Sun, 29 May 2011 01:09:59 +0000 holarin http://stringsgettingcrunklikeoncrack.wordpress.com/?p=1026 Read more]]> Clenching up the itouch, I entered the password.

I catch a glimpse of the background picture and I prayed.

Frankly, I hope you have no idea, I built castles in the air but eventual is the word.

____________________________________________________

We can love someone so much for our whole life, but we can always try to forget. Find a decent rebound, replacement…distraction.

I know you’re the one that I wanna be with in my entire lifetime. Cliche yes, whatever. I’ve been through stuff and I know. I scry.

I had a dream about you yesterday night;

You were filling me in about this person that you had a crush on…and I was trying to congratulate you somewhat…or was it pulling the strings, I can’t keep up.

All I know is that I woke up feeling terrible.

I glanced and my lung went into a seizure, I peeked and my vision wail so hard,
I ran.

I didn’t stop, not after an hour or so.

I try to grab a hold of my heart. It isn’t there. It isn’t.